The last few months of 2012 have been the worst of my entire life, I almost wish the world would have ended as the Mayans had pridicted lol. I can't even remember a more trying time or remember ever having my faith and trust in God tested more strongly than then.
First I moved to an unfamiliar city with no friends to follow my calling and take on a challenging position with the greatest organization in the world, Teen Challenge. Only to be laid off three months later and stuck in leases and commitments that keep me here. Then I struggle medically, financially, and finally emotionally. Having to look in a direction other than TC for employment was very difficult for me to realize was needed for my next level and I was very tempted to give into the familiar securities and miss what God has for me. Leaving fulltime ministrty hurt me greatly and stepping out from beneath such a covering was scary for me. I entered into that covering coming out of exteme addiction and suicidal depression.
Then my greatest pain; losing my mother.
No words can describe that kind of pain.
Shortly afterward my Uncle Bill joined her in heaven. And again I spend most of my days alone with my grief, interrupted occasionally by some weekend visits with my love, Lisa (that is if she can find a place to stay here in Sac). If it werent for her then I dont know if I would be writing this now.
My knees were buckled, my faith rocked, my hope lost. Some days I didn't even get out of bed. Depression has always been a struggle of mine, it kept me homeless and lost in addiction and alcoholism for seven years in the past, and even now as a Christian I have to face that demon and battle with it from time to time. I dont always win, but I never remain defeated, thanks be to God! This time, not only do I have Christ in my life but He showed up stronger than ever.
Christ is my Lord! Not self pity or depression.
First I moved to an unfamiliar city with no friends to follow my calling and take on a challenging position with the greatest organization in the world, Teen Challenge. Only to be laid off three months later and stuck in leases and commitments that keep me here. Then I struggle medically, financially, and finally emotionally. Having to look in a direction other than TC for employment was very difficult for me to realize was needed for my next level and I was very tempted to give into the familiar securities and miss what God has for me. Leaving fulltime ministrty hurt me greatly and stepping out from beneath such a covering was scary for me. I entered into that covering coming out of exteme addiction and suicidal depression.
Then my greatest pain; losing my mother.
No words can describe that kind of pain.
Shortly afterward my Uncle Bill joined her in heaven. And again I spend most of my days alone with my grief, interrupted occasionally by some weekend visits with my love, Lisa (that is if she can find a place to stay here in Sac). If it werent for her then I dont know if I would be writing this now.
My knees were buckled, my faith rocked, my hope lost. Some days I didn't even get out of bed. Depression has always been a struggle of mine, it kept me homeless and lost in addiction and alcoholism for seven years in the past, and even now as a Christian I have to face that demon and battle with it from time to time. I dont always win, but I never remain defeated, thanks be to God! This time, not only do I have Christ in my life but He showed up stronger than ever.
Christ is my Lord! Not self pity or depression.
I was sad when I stepped away from full-time ministry but God still led me. I was lonely when I came here to live but Jesus was ever present. I was devistated when I lost my Mom, but my Heavenly Father is the Great Creator and He would not allow me to remain undone!
I awoke this morning as from a terrible dream and realized I am on the other side of this great trial. Lisa and I have spent the weekend talking about and planning our wedding. We have voiced our hopes to one another as well as our fears. We have planned how together we can help those we love and we have blessed one another and encouraged each other and together our excitement for the future is mounting.
These last few months have been trying, and yes, the most trying of my life. But I believe they have been the best for my growth, in faith in God than any I have ever lived and I now look forward to the future.
I awoke this morning as from a terrible dream and realized I am on the other side of this great trial. Lisa and I have spent the weekend talking about and planning our wedding. We have voiced our hopes to one another as well as our fears. We have planned how together we can help those we love and we have blessed one another and encouraged each other and together our excitement for the future is mounting.
These last few months have been trying, and yes, the most trying of my life. But I believe they have been the best for my growth, in faith in God than any I have ever lived and I now look forward to the future.
I also look back, but only to give me hope that my future is not just manageable, but that it is bright indeed.
Thank you Jesus for your love and thank you Mother for always loving me.
Thank you Jesus for your love and thank you Mother for always loving me.
