Trying Times, Found Hope

The last few months of 2012 have been the worst of my entire life, I almost wish the world would have ended as the Mayans had pridicted lol. I can't even remember a more trying time or remember ever having my faith and trust in God tested more strongly than then.
First I moved to an unfamiliar city with no friends to follow my calling and take on a challenging position with the greatest organization in the world, Teen Challenge. Only to be laid off three months later and stuck in leases and commitments that keep me here. Then I struggle medically, financially, and finally emotionally. Having to look in a direction other than TC for employment was very difficult for me to realize was needed for my next level and I was very tempted to give into the familiar securities and miss what God has for me. Leaving fulltime ministrty hurt me greatly and stepping out from beneath such a covering was scary for me. I entered into that covering coming out of exteme addiction and suicidal depression.
Then my greatest pain; losing my mother.
No words can describe that kind of pain.
Shortly afterward my Uncle Bill joined her in heaven. And again I spend most of my days alone with my grief, interrupted occasionally by some weekend visits with my love, Lisa (that is if she can find a place to stay here in Sac). If it werent for her then I dont know if I would be writing this now.
My knees were buckled, my faith rocked, my hope lost. Some days I didn't even get out of bed. Depression has always been a struggle of mine, it kept me homeless and lost in addiction and alcoholism for seven years in the past, and even now as a Christian I have to face that demon and battle with it from time to time. I dont always win, but I never remain defeated, thanks be to God! This time, not only do I have Christ in my life but He showed up stronger than ever.
Christ is my Lord! Not self pity or depression.

I was sad when I stepped away from full-time ministry but God still led me. I was lonely when I came here to live but Jesus was ever present. I was devistated when I lost my Mom, but my Heavenly Father is the Great Creator and He would not allow me to remain undone!
I awoke this morning as from a terrible dream and realized I am on the other side of this great trial. Lisa and I have spent the weekend talking about and planning our wedding. We have voiced our hopes to one another as well as our fears. We have planned how together we can help those we love and we have blessed one another and encouraged each other and together our excitement for the future is mounting.
These last few months have been trying, and yes, the most trying of my life. But I believe they have been the best for my growth, in faith in God than any I have ever lived and I now look forward to the future.

I also look back, but only to give me hope that my future is not just manageable, but that it is bright indeed.
Thank you Jesus for your love and thank you Mother for always loving me.

Where Have You Laid Him

John 11:33-36


33 Therefore, when Jesus saw her weeping, and the Jews who came with her weeping, He groaned in the spirit and was troubled. 34 And He said, “Where have you laid him?” They said to Him, “Lord, come and see.”      

Do we believe as the mourners there did that Jesus grieved over the death of His friend? Or do we understand that Jesus not only knew where Lazarus was buried but also knew he would live again before he even began the journey to his town?



Jesus asks where they had laid him not because He did not know but because He was giving us the picture of true friendship, allowing for this time to remain fully man in their eyes. If he had just went straight to the tomb then the people would have been expecting a miracle from the Son of God and not instead seeing Christ’s love and compassion for one man.


"Jesus wept" we know Jesus did not weep over the death of a friend, and I say it is not over the lack of faith of those who mourn as I have heard some say. But I believe Jesus wept not for, but with the friends and family of mourners. I believe He shared in their time of grief to comfort and let them know it is ok to grieve and mourn.


We must learn this as well, to be joyful for others and with others in their time of joy and to mourn with others in their time of sorrow and for others. Jesus wept not for the loss of His friend but because the others were filled with sorrow and grief and He had compassion for them.


Jesus went there with the purpose of knowing what He would find and what He would do. And He allowed time to minister to the mourners and to the family he encountered there but He came for a purpose, to bring life to something that was dead. He asks the family, where have you laid him, and they reply by saying come and see.


His purpose had a place and it was not in the vale of tears but instead His purposes place is where dead things lie!


There are so many lessons in this one very short verse, we must follow Christ’s example and grieve for those who grieve, to mourn with the mourners, to allow ourselves to become less than who we are to comfort and minister, to esteem others greater than ourselves.... But we must also learn the lesson of purpose. You must travel with purpose and your purpose must have a place. Like Jesus, That place is where dead things lie. Jesus wants to resurrect the dead things in people's lives, dead marriages, dead families, dead hopes, and dead dreams. Go to these places, allow yourself to mourn with them, grieve because they grieve but then ask as Jesus did, Take me to the thing that is dead.....


35 Jesus wept. 36 Then the Jews said, “See how He loved him!”

My Father's Orchard

In my Fathers Orchard are many trees. These trees bear the goodness of the soil from whence He dwells. These trees are all heavily laden with a fruit that will nourish the hungered soul, fill the empty heart and strengthen the tired mind.

No barrier separates these trees from any who wish to be filled by their fruit. No need to travel to distant lands or venture into dangerous terrain, prayer is its gateway and one only need enter on bended knee.

In the center of my Fathers Orchard stands the most beautiful Tree of all and from this Tree the fruit of everlasting life is given to all who are willing to receive. Of all of my Father’s trees this One alone has a name, He is Jesus! And with Jesus we are blessed with the greatest gift ever given, Salvation.

From Him one can eat of the fruit of gladness, feast on the fruit of liberty, take a bite from the fruit of victory and so be fed by His Love until all apatite is satisfied.

I visit that Tree every day. The fruit is always ripe, always plentiful and always low enough on the branch that I have no trouble reaching it. There is no greater taste then that of Jesus’ love. It fills us with a warmth that cannot be quenched by the cold hard path of life.

So when you grow weary of your travels and adventures of life’s lonely road, you need only to enter my Father’s orchard and find comfort in its shade and rest for your soul.

20/20 Forward Vision

In the very near future something new and challenging is about to take place in my life, and because of this I find myself looking often toward the horizon. At the start of 2010, together with a local church in Salinas, Ca we are going to do what we can to help rescue young men from a life of violence and drug addiction in that region by opening a Christian Men’s Discipleship Center, (a recovery home for adult men).

Lately I have been perusing craigslist trying to gather what I can to furnish and prepare our building for at least 10 men to start. As I have been doing this I have also logged more than enough hours on facebook just staying close to the computer so that I may be first for any new posts to craigslist. There is something special that fb offers to its subscribers that I believe wasn't it's original intention, it gives us a unique opportunity to connect with old friends and to relive old memories. I have found that one can get lost looking back, times seem to have been much easier then, life much more carefree and the consequences of our crazy actions so far away in the future that you took on the attitude that chances were you weren't going to have to face them, so it seemed safe to "Eat, drink and be merry". Most of us have learned that the future held much more than we anticipated and life today is a dim projection of the past.

So with all this ahead of me and all that there is behind I am reminded of something I read recently:

Remembering the past can remind us of God's leading, discipline, faithfulness and grace. But it should not cause us to walk backwards into the future. A thoughtful glance back can prepare us to more confidently look and move forward.

Jesus stated, "No one having put his hand to the plow and looking back is fit for the kingdom of God." Luke 9:62