Trying Times, Found Hope

The last few months of 2012 have been the worst of my entire life, I almost wish the world would have ended as the Mayans had pridicted lol. I can't even remember a more trying time or remember ever having my faith and trust in God tested more strongly than then.
First I moved to an unfamiliar city with no friends to follow my calling and take on a challenging position with the greatest organization in the world, Teen Challenge. Only to be laid off three months later and stuck in leases and commitments that keep me here. Then I struggle medically, financially, and finally emotionally. Having to look in a direction other than TC for employment was very difficult for me to realize was needed for my next level and I was very tempted to give into the familiar securities and miss what God has for me. Leaving fulltime ministrty hurt me greatly and stepping out from beneath such a covering was scary for me. I entered into that covering coming out of exteme addiction and suicidal depression.
Then my greatest pain; losing my mother.
No words can describe that kind of pain.
Shortly afterward my Uncle Bill joined her in heaven. And again I spend most of my days alone with my grief, interrupted occasionally by some weekend visits with my love, Lisa (that is if she can find a place to stay here in Sac). If it werent for her then I dont know if I would be writing this now.
My knees were buckled, my faith rocked, my hope lost. Some days I didn't even get out of bed. Depression has always been a struggle of mine, it kept me homeless and lost in addiction and alcoholism for seven years in the past, and even now as a Christian I have to face that demon and battle with it from time to time. I dont always win, but I never remain defeated, thanks be to God! This time, not only do I have Christ in my life but He showed up stronger than ever.
Christ is my Lord! Not self pity or depression.

I was sad when I stepped away from full-time ministry but God still led me. I was lonely when I came here to live but Jesus was ever present. I was devistated when I lost my Mom, but my Heavenly Father is the Great Creator and He would not allow me to remain undone!
I awoke this morning as from a terrible dream and realized I am on the other side of this great trial. Lisa and I have spent the weekend talking about and planning our wedding. We have voiced our hopes to one another as well as our fears. We have planned how together we can help those we love and we have blessed one another and encouraged each other and together our excitement for the future is mounting.
These last few months have been trying, and yes, the most trying of my life. But I believe they have been the best for my growth, in faith in God than any I have ever lived and I now look forward to the future.

I also look back, but only to give me hope that my future is not just manageable, but that it is bright indeed.
Thank you Jesus for your love and thank you Mother for always loving me.

To See Inside The Heart

John 4:13-15

J.B. Phillips New Testament

^13-14 Jesus said to her, “Everyone who drinks this water will be thirsty again. But whoever drinks the water I will give him will never be thirsty again. For my gift will become a spring in the man himself, welling up into eternal life.”
¹⁵ The woman said, “Sir, give me this water, so that I may stop being thirsty—and not have to come here to draw water any more!”

Two things spoken by the Samaritan woman at the well:

First is she seeks a sustainer. We thirst for much more than just water in life. Some thirst for power and recognition and will step over everyone on their climb up the corporate ladder, but most just need to be assured that what they work for and what they build and grow will not perish or be taken from them. That when we invest of ourselves in something that is precious and valuable to us that it will increase and net fruit. Wether it be our bank accounts or our relationships. Our hopes are all the same, we want the best for our families and our children.

This woman has had numerous men in her life and is now involved with another who does not respect her enough to marry her. If we can see past the immorality of her life choices and not judge her then we will see that in those lost relationships there must be much pain and sense of failure and loss. She thirsts for companionship, true friendship, love.

 And second she asks for relief from having to draw water from that particular place. Notice she says, nor come HERE to draw (NIV)... In her time the village women came to that well to draw their days water, they did so in the cool of the morning. This woman comes in the heat of the day. Why? Why come when the work is most laborious? When all the other women are gone? The answer is ridicule and shame. Shame of her reputation, shame of her lifestyle, personal shame of yet one more bad relationship.

She thirsts for Redemption! She is really saying to Jesus before she even knows Him as Messiah, please be my unending source of peace and please take my shame from me that I may again enjoy the cool of the morning and the friendship of those around me. Be my companion, my endless love.

The heart of a person is so clear to see, if we can but only not look through the lens of judgment.

Where Have You Laid Him

John 11:33-36


33 Therefore, when Jesus saw her weeping, and the Jews who came with her weeping, He groaned in the spirit and was troubled. 34 And He said, “Where have you laid him?” They said to Him, “Lord, come and see.”      

Do we believe as the mourners there did that Jesus grieved over the death of His friend? Or do we understand that Jesus not only knew where Lazarus was buried but also knew he would live again before he even began the journey to his town?



Jesus asks where they had laid him not because He did not know but because He was giving us the picture of true friendship, allowing for this time to remain fully man in their eyes. If he had just went straight to the tomb then the people would have been expecting a miracle from the Son of God and not instead seeing Christ’s love and compassion for one man.


"Jesus wept" we know Jesus did not weep over the death of a friend, and I say it is not over the lack of faith of those who mourn as I have heard some say. But I believe Jesus wept not for, but with the friends and family of mourners. I believe He shared in their time of grief to comfort and let them know it is ok to grieve and mourn.


We must learn this as well, to be joyful for others and with others in their time of joy and to mourn with others in their time of sorrow and for others. Jesus wept not for the loss of His friend but because the others were filled with sorrow and grief and He had compassion for them.


Jesus went there with the purpose of knowing what He would find and what He would do. And He allowed time to minister to the mourners and to the family he encountered there but He came for a purpose, to bring life to something that was dead. He asks the family, where have you laid him, and they reply by saying come and see.


His purpose had a place and it was not in the vale of tears but instead His purposes place is where dead things lie!


There are so many lessons in this one very short verse, we must follow Christ’s example and grieve for those who grieve, to mourn with the mourners, to allow ourselves to become less than who we are to comfort and minister, to esteem others greater than ourselves.... But we must also learn the lesson of purpose. You must travel with purpose and your purpose must have a place. Like Jesus, That place is where dead things lie. Jesus wants to resurrect the dead things in people's lives, dead marriages, dead families, dead hopes, and dead dreams. Go to these places, allow yourself to mourn with them, grieve because they grieve but then ask as Jesus did, Take me to the thing that is dead.....


35 Jesus wept. 36 Then the Jews said, “See how He loved him!”

The Devil Is a Liar and His Breath Stinks

In speaking to His Followers, Jesus says this; John 8:12 Then Jesus spoke to them again, saying, “I am the light of the world. He who follows Me shall not walk in darkness, but have the light of life.”

In speaking to the Unbeliever Jesus says this; John 8:23-24 23 And He said to them, “You are from beneath; I am from above. You are of this world; I am not of this world. 24 Therefore I said to you that you will die in your sins; for if you do not believe that I am He, you will die in your sins.”

In His words to the Believers He makes this promise; John 8:31-32 31 Then Jesus said to those Jews who believed Him, “If you abide in My word, you are My disciples indeed. 32 And you shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free.”

And to the Religious He says; John 8:44 For you are the children of your father the devil, and you love to do the evil things he does. He was a murderer from the beginning. He has always hated the truth, because there is no truth in him. When he lies, it is consistent with his character; for he is a liar and the father of lies.

Notice the differences between Follower and Believer and the similarities between the Unbeliever and the Religious:

You are not a Believer just because you follow Jesus. Meaning, just because you go to church on Sundays or pray for your food at meals, just because you are a good person because being good makes you feel better about yourself doesn’t make you a Believer. Jesus said that one must remain “faithful to His teachings,” (Vs 31 NLT). And not just on Sundays or when it makes you feel good, but at all times. To remain faithful means that even when it will cause you pain, discomfort or even shame, you still apply His Word to your actions. That is what makes you a Believer, when His Word is reflected in your life at ALL times.

Having some experience with being religious I know the one thing all religious people tend to do, they judge the unbeliever. To a religious person an unbeliever is condemned and not worth the sacrifices of Love. But Jesus, though He sternly admonished them, embraced them and drew them in so He can then lead them into all Truth. (Vs. 26 I have much to say about you and much to condemn, but I won’t. For I say only what I have heard from the one who sent me, and he is completely truthful.)

His comparisons were not made to condemn or to set one above the other, but they were made to draw the other in and inspire Hope and Peace, to embrace them with Love and to express the promise of inclusion, that all are able to be adopted into the royal family of God. (Vs. 29-30 ²⁹ And the one who sent me is with me—he has not deserted me. For I always do what pleases him.” ³⁰ Then many who heard him say these things believed in him.)

I believe the biggest deception played out in man is that being religious will earn you a place in Heaven. Who will be more surprised when they wake up in Hell, the unbeliever or the religious person? The Good News is, that Jesus has made a way for All to repent and find Salvation. The Truth is, the Miracle of the Cross has broken the chains of the apathetic follower of Christ, the doubting unbeliever and the deception of religion! Jesus remains faithful to His promise made so long ago, He will dispel the lies of Satan and give us the Truth, and that Truth will make us Free!

THE EYES OF CHRIST

I read something today that caused me to pause. Until reading this I have been struggling with what it is that keeps me from certain breakthroughs in my life. And as I closed my eyes to meditate on it, God gave me this revelation through a vision.

There is a man standing in an empty room before a two-way mirror and he is evaluating himself on all of his achievements and failures as he looks into the eyes his own reflection. But it is failure that is the stronger influence of his assessment of himself, so he looks into the mirror with a furrowed brow and with worried eyes as he takes inventory of his life. Failure wins out because of the pain of its sting and because it is relentless in its need to be brought out to center stage for all to see and never be forgotten.

Then his gaze goes deeper than just the surface of the mirror and his own reflection, it seems as though he can see something inside the mirror just on the other side of his eyes, and the site of it deepens the furrows and intensifies his worry. For on the other side of the two-way mirror there is a group of people which are looking back at him and doing the same thing to him that he does to himself. They are judging him by his shortcomings and are blinded to his natural talents and promised future. He can see it in their eyes.

You see when using a two-way mirror there needs to be darkness on the opposite side of the reflective side in order for it to work properly. If there is light then you will be able to see through the mirror and it becomes nothing more than a foggy window. However, in my vision there is bright light not darkness on the opposite side, and because of this the man is able to see the accusation in the eyes of all those studying him, affirming his own fears of never being able to achieve his goals or dreams because of his past and present failures. They do this because to see his faults more clearly than his potential lessens the sting of their own failures.

In all of us, our glaring neon faults drown out the light of the goodness that shines brightly behind the defects in our character, past and present. I believe that it takes a trained and anointed eye to focus on what lies behind the surface of who we are and nurture and develop the gifts that were created in all of us at the time the foundation of the world was laid down by God, (Ephesians 1:4). For He chose us in Him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in His sight in love.

In my vision the light on the opposite side of the mirror tells me that these people who are judging him are not the unsaved or unbeliever, but they are fellow Christians! (1 Thessalonians 5:5) You are all sons of the light and sons of the day. We do not belong to the night or to the darkness.

Tragically the goodness and talents in us all rarely are allowed to outshine the veil of condemnation imposed on us by the enemy’s lies and half-truths. Sadly, we ourselves can also be oblivious to this tactic he uses to bring condemnation to people, Christian and Non-Christian alike. For many of us as we look into the mirror and take inventory of ourselves fall victim to our programming that was imposed on us sometimes from a very young age and it influences us in our assessment of ourselves. This negative image may even come from all the way back to our age of understanding, when we first learned the meaning of the word “No”. How many times have we been told we will never change or achieve greatness? How many times have we looked at ourselves and agreed with those vicious lies? How many times have we been told or have told ourselves, “You can’t, or I can’t, or I’ll never be able to, or you’ve failed before you’ll fail again?” It is time we learn to allow our greatness in Christ outshine our past and present failures and shortcomings.

I mentioned that those people on the other side of the mirror couldn’t help but judge him because it lessened the sting of their own failures. This is a survival mechanism in us all that tries to keep us at the front of the meal-line. We believe that if we can position ourselves correctly then our chance for failure lessens and the chance of survival increases. So we make others to look weak as we ourselves give the illusion of looking stronger. It is a human trait that we all must learn to overcome if we are to take on the character of Christ. (Mark 10:45) Jesus said that He did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give His life as a ransom for many.

Imagine what it was that He saw in the 12 as He called them to follow Him as His Apostles. If you know anything of these men then you know He saw way past what was on the surface for what was there was rough, untried and in some cases downright wicked. For instance Peter was a train wreck, (or in his day I guess it would be called a caravan collision, ha) always letting his mouth get him in trouble. And Matthew, well simply put, he was a traitor to his people and a thief! No, He looked upon them as they would be when they were martyred for His Gospel. And He did so daily for 3 years never wavering in His knowledge of who they would become and how gloriously they would finish their race. But you may say, “Of course He was able to do that because in Him was no fault or failure. He had no reason to fear the sting of it, so He does not fall into the same category as we do.” But the contrary is true.

Herein lays the Truth we must all grasp if we are to overcome our human nature and be able to look with the Eyes of Christ. Jesus, though being fully God was also fully man, and Christ knew as a man He carried the potential for unrighteous judgment just as we do but He was able to overcome because the Truth was in Him. (John 1:1-5) ¹ In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. ² He (meaning Jesus) was in the beginning with God. ³ All things were made through Him, and without Him nothing was made that was made. ⁴ In Him was life, and the life was the light of men. ⁵ And the light shines in the darkness, and the darkness did not comprehend it.

We were created by Christ and for Christ!! And He sees us just as He saw the first 12! If we can gaze into the mirror and look at our image with the Eyes of Christ and see in ourselves what He sees in us and are affirmed in this by the Truth of the Word of God then we need no longer fear failures sting!!! And when we stand on the opposite side of the mirror, (and believe me we will), as others gaze into it and are able to see us gazing back what will it be that they see in our eyes as we look upon them with the Eyes of Christ? Will it be accusation or judgment? No! What they will see is acceptance and hope because in us will be Gods Truth made manifest through our testimony and faith! It is this Truth that conquers failures sting in us all and takes us from glory to glory! (2 Corinthians 3:18) But we all, with unveiled face, beholding as in a mirror the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from glory to glory, just as by the Spirit of the Lord.

And this is where the fault lies; because we are prone to fall into this trap isn’t because we are wicked or evil, but rather because we are human and susceptible to human weaknesses. So is this our excuse to continue in our failed state? We are only human and cannot help ourselves after all. Certainly not! We must hold tight to this Truth and never let it slip through our grasp. For failure will come again, good character will grow weary and bad character will try to rear its ugly head. So we must hold fast to God’s Word and remember where our failed state took us that we would never need tread that path again! (Psalm 119:11) Your word I have hidden in my heart, that I might not sin against You.

It is our enemy’s cowardly nature that drives him to strike at our weaknesses and avoid our strengths. His ruthlessness is like a drop of water, it travels the path of least resistance. Our strength in Christ strikes fear in him and this power which every Christian posses resists his attacks, so the fear of his own failed attempt to rule heaven and his condemnation and coming end because of it drives him to look for the weaknesses in us and an easier and quicker victory. His time is running out and his hatred of humanity drives him on. Because we know this of him and now hold the Truth which conquers failure, we are able to plan our own defenses and strategies of attack. The devils most effective tactic, his knowledge of us and his insatiable desire to destroy us through our weakness, has become our great strength! It has made him predictable. History’s famous Chinese General Sun Tzu teaches us this principle of warfare in his book The Art of War; “The best way to defeat your enemy is to know your enemy.”

We are not evil, we are weakened by our lack of knowledge and anointing. But this is no longer the case for you is it? Take away from this the Truth that is in God’s Living Word and go away from here with the Eyes of Christ.

2 Corinthians 5:17 Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new. This means you.

“Life just seems so full of connections. Most of the time we don't even pay attention to the depth of life. We only see flat surfaces.”

Every connection we make is a thread in the fabric of our lives. Some may be brief like a conversation with a stranger in the grocery line or they may last our lifetimes, like the connection we have with the ones we love most. Some connections are made, then severed but they can never really be disconnected from who we are can they? Some are made and neglected until another brings us full circle and the connection is made again, or, mended so to speak. I’ve gone through life believing that who I was is made up of what I am doing right now. I was a soldier once, a carpenter and a machinist. I spent most of my time working as a printer and now I am what many would call a drug counselor. Truth is I am just a former addict helping other addicts find freedom through Christ. I thought that my makeup is what it is because of my last life altering experience, whatever it may have been. I was once a homeless man, was once a student and was once a minister. What I have learned since joining facebook is; I am who my connections in life have woven me to be. There is a part of all of you entwined within the tapestry of who I am. I have many memories that I love to share of so many of you and I am sure there are many more that when the time comes will be brought to my recollection so that we can reminisce and mend a frayed thread. There is one connection I have made in life however that ties us all together, His name is Jesus. In writing this article I have read up a little on weaving and knitting just to get more of an understanding of what it is that He is telling me. And I have learned one very important rule to them both. This rule, by the way, can be applied to our lives as well. If this fabric that has been woven is left without that final stitch that holds it together it will unravel and fall apart. In weaving you need a hem and in knitting to secure the final stitches or “wale” the method is called “binding off”. That is what Christ has done for me. He has bound all the connections I have ever made and kept them from unraveling. It wasn’t so long ago that I had turned my back on every connection I have ever made and allow my life to unravel and it did actually fall apart. Truth be told in that time of my life very few of you ever crossed my mind and I was empty inside because of that. When my life was rescued Jesus mended every fray, He tightened every loose knot and He bound us all together. I think of you often and am blessed to have ever known each and every one of you. My life is a rich tapestry of color and beauty because of you and I am eternally grateful to call each of you my friend.

May God bless you all as He has blessed me.

The Gift Of The Good Son

My Mother once said to me that I was her last chance at having a good son. I can’t tell you how many times I fell short of that wish of hers. I was 12 years old and my two older brothers were in prison, one for stealing cars and the other for a purse snatching he did not do but was found with the contents of the purse near him in a car, he was doing time for another man because he was not a snitch. I was being accused of a crime my mother and I both knew I did not do, we also knew that I was willing to go to juvenile hall before I would tell the police who did do it. As we drove home from the station the only sound in the car was her quiet sobbing, it was the longest ride of my life and I sat there just staring out the window. No way was I even going to look at her, not because I was ashamed, because I wasn’t. I was mad; the police were going to take away my freedom because I chose not to be a snitch. But I could not look at her because if I did then I knew I would start to cry too and that was just not going to happen, then I would be ashamed. When we drove into the carport she put her hand on mine and looked me in the eye and said, "Cy please don’t turn out like your brothers, you're my last chance at a good son". Not long after that I did my best to make good on my promise to change. I joined the local Pop Warner football team and found a whole new bunch of friends. I did better in school and began to do what I could around the house to help her out. But never was I able to live up to that promise. Imagine the love of a mother for her son and the helplessness to save him, and imagine the love of the son and his helplessness to be true to a promise he made to a mother he loves. In 2004 Jesus found me broken, lost and alone. I was a heroin addict, homeless and have been living on the streets for many years. I was so dirty and unkept that people actually walked around me so that they would not have to look at me or get near me. But God did not ignore me or avoid me but He searched me out and embraced me when I was at my worst Today my two older brothers and I are all good sons to my mom. We love her and see her often. Our love for her is stronger than ever and I believe it is because even though we all have caused her so much hurt she always loved us. We all love God and we all have been changed by His love. Now imagine the love of a Father for a Son He does have the power to save but instead gives Him up as a sacrifice for those who like me have turned their back on their God and broken many promises to Him. And imagine the Son who can at any moment end an ordeal that has caused Him great humiliation, enormous shame and unimaginable pain but chooses instead to endure for the sake of even just one bad son. This is the true meaning of Christmas! That God would give His one and only Son to die for you and that the Son would give His life that you may live with the Father forever, regardless of who you are today or have been in all of your yesterdays. We teach our kids to believe in Santa and get upset when they stop believing thinking that it’s all over, our kids are all grown up and now Christmas has lost all of its magic. But I declare to you that it is not until we begin to teach our children the true meaning of Christmas that the magic begins! This day is a day of faith, a day of thanksgiving and a day of reflection upon a child in a manger that came to bring to life the hope of a hopeless mother for her sons, to answer the cry of a dying man as he lie in his own blood and filth and reaches towards Heaven and asks for redemption! This is the day that the heavens were opened wide and God's Love poured down upon a merciless generation and Mercy was spread throughout the world to every nation and for all time! My friends, God loves you! He has proven His love for you with the only way that can be declared as proof; He gave to you a Good Son! Merry Christmas

Our Dragon Hoard

~ Paul the Apostle~ Gal. 5:13-14. ~ "For, brethren, ye have been called unto liberty; only use not liberty for an occasion to the flesh, but by love serve one another. For all the law is fulfilled in one word, even in this; Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself."

We are a people of excess, We have more than we need, spend more than we have, take more than we deserve and hold on to it all. We are that Dragon who sleeps upon his hoard, laid up in his lair waiting to devour any who dare to take from him even the smallest of trinkets. We believe that we are measured by the size of our hoard, but I say to you that we are measured by our generosity to others. If you are to do nothing else today do this; Give of yourself to another. Be blessed today my friends and remember the gift that was given to you over 2000 years ago.